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Friday, May 14, 2004

Behold the awesome fury of SPOFF MAN!!!

T'was Thursday night, when ickle Paul and I assist on hospital radio medway, as such we are required to encounter a lot of weirdo's (from the mental ward) but the one last night really wins the prize.
Night had just descended bringing the sort of orange half light from the street lamps when Sean the presenter said,
"quick! Pull the curtains, there's a bloke out there having a wee!!" Indeed there was, a bloke was indeed outside the studio in the little enclosed courtyard thingy, you'd have to be looking out a window to see him. Paul called me in and we observed him from behind the curtains,
"doesn't he know there's toilets?" It was then we realised he was taking rather a long time to relieve himself,
"I don't think he's going to the toilet" says I,
"indeed not," sez Paul, "i think he's partaking in a spoff"
"a what?" Sean asked rather innocently
"y'know, a spoff-to wank, to Choke the hermit, to beat ones meat, to tame the one-eyed trouser snake, to jack orf" Paul replied while he refilled his pipe.
We could barely contain our horror as the man continued to indulge himself, swaying slightly and emiting high pitched wails.
A few minutes later the man ceased his activities for the moment, he turned, fortunately his modesty concealed and he then proceeded to walk about groping himself in full view of anyone by a window,
"Egad!" Cried Paul from the concealed saftey of our hidey-hole, "Has this gent no shame?"
It would seem that he did not for the groping went on unabashed for even longer than he had endulged his carnal lustings, several times we were sure the madman had seen us. We ducked hurridly out of view each time.
"My Goodness" Said I "What sort of foul being is this, who so freely feels himself in a public place?" and wonder we did on this matter. For we feared to watch, yet we could not turn away for fear he would burst in and wank at us.
But finally he was satisfied and left us be, walking off to the sanctity of his lair. With great care we stepped outside, forever fearing we might suddenly be set upon by the monster and a band a minature wanking gremlins, squealing,
"GWAAAAHHH BLEEEUEUUURRRCGHHHH BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA SEE US SPOFF!!!!!!!" But go we must, to secure the perimeter and see if we could find evidence of his dealings. Much to Paul's chagrin and my nausea we did indeed find that spoff man had left us a little present just outside the bushes.
P.S. aside from the bit ao#bout minature wanking gremlins this really happened, poor me...:X

todays t-shirt slogan- We Have charts and Graphs to back us up SO FUCK OFF!!!
Todays music- led Zeppelin, Stairway to heaven

# posted by The Prisoner | 7:24 AM |

Y'know i'm born to lose, and gamblings for fools, but thats the way i like it baby i dont wanna live for eva.....and don't forget the joker!.........Daddy.......Do you call me daddy cos im old? do you call me baby cos im young? and i could be the one, who gets to take you home. Honey.....do you call me honey cos im sweet? sweet like the sugar in my tea, and i take more than three, and thats what makes me sweet. and i would like to say today it would be nice to run away, monday to thursday every week, we can see what we can be. and you wont serve another drink to lonely men who think they own a piece of you, they snap their fingers, tell you what to do. and they would like to take you home, well i guess their not alone.....................This aint murdermile its just the way i smile. Kiss all your fingers, whats that for? You'll never get to heaven with your shirt all torn..........Not a prisoner, i'm a free man, and my blood is my own now, dont care where the past was, i know where i'm going!......On Iron Horse he flies, on iron horse he'd gladly die.....Change, everything you are and everything you were, youre number has been called, fights battles have begun revenge will surely come, your hard times are ahead.......We're all living in amerika, amerika ist wunderbar......FUCK YOU I WONT DO WHAT YA TELL ME......Sandy why can't we look the other way?......Where's my Elvis?.....Don't try rules cos they do not apply.....She got me with a suckerpunch.....
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